Are there some movies that should NEVER EVER be touched? Is there a short list of films for whatever reason NEVER be remade? I actually think so. Or at least...there SHOULD BE!
Here is my shortlist of movies that I grew up absolutely adoring that are still so entertaining to this day that if anyone touches them...they need to be thrown out of Hollywood faster than Uwe Boll at a Marvel Studios movie premiere!
Okay, I’m starting off small. The Rocketeer wasn’t THAT great of a movie...but keep in mind it was made in 1991, a time when superhero films were so rare that ANYthing that came out somewhat similar to a comic book movie was pretty exciting to the fanbase.
I also don’t think the Rocketeer needs to be remade whatsoever. Especially at an age like this when we already have Iron Man and Captain America (Rocketeer was like a combination of the two). Ironically enough, Marvel was so smart that they got the same director as Rocketeer, Joe Johnston, to direct Captain America: The First Avenger! That goes to show you that this early 90’s gem starring Billy Campbell and (a boyhood crush of mine) Jennifer Connelly was a fine film, despite its flaws.
If you’ve never seen the Rocketeer, you should treat yourself to it sometime.
For about 20 years there has been talk of a Beetlejuice sequel, but for whatever reason it was shot down every time... and probably with good reason. This movie was weird, strange, deliciously devious and nearly impossible to recreate.
But eventually, Hollywood is going to try to recreate it with a remake...and that would be even worse than a sequel. Tim Burton (the original’s director, if you didn’t know), has said himself that he would only do it if Michael Keaton was playing the “ghost with the most”, because there is only ONE Beetlejuice! And I think Keaton is probably a bit too old and Oscar winning to go back to playing Beetlejuice....I could be wrong, but it would really surprise me.
It would be like when they recast Freddy Kreuger...that didn’t turn out very well, did it? Even though I love Jackie Earl Haley as an actor...only Robert Englund is Freddy!
Sorry, studio execs...don’t even TRY to remake Beetlejuice, unless you want to be haunted forever by angry 80’s babies!!!
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
This movie cannot be remade not only because it was a really awesome movie...it would be literally IMPOSSIBLE to once again get BOTH Disney and Warner Bros. to sign off and include BOTH their characters in one film, and share the box office dividends. I don’t think it would EVER happen again, actually.
Roger Rabbit was by all means and purposes an “adult” movie as well. There was a lot of stuff implied such as sex and violence...the sexy Jessica Rabbit alone made every parent wonder if their kids were old enough to be watching this movie. There’s still controversy today as to whether Donald Duck screamed a racial slur at Daffy Duck in their infamous piano duel scene (it’s true! Look it up)! In today’s politically correct “easily offended” internet world...Who Framed Roger Rabbit could NEVER be reproduced with the same spirit.
Maybe we can take solace that we have movies that are sort of similar, with characters from different franchises coming together in the same story like Wreck-It-Ralph and the Lego Movie. But none of them felt like a once-in-a-lifetime deal like Roger Rabbit was. And that was part of the fun of that movie.
I will admit, I never was a HUGE Goonies fan. But I respect it because the movie was so freakin’ popular! And it’s one of those movies that just resonated with kids in 1985. Today’s kids are so vastly different...it would be impossible to reproduce this movie.
I’m quite sure One-Eyed Willy’s treasure would be lost forever if today’s kids found that treasure map, because they’d be too busy taking selfies to bother going on an adventure to find it. Either that, or they’d just stay home and try to locate the treasure on Google Street View first. Not very entertaining.
Plus the whole fun of Goonies is the glorious 80’s-ness of it. A remake would just ruin EVERYTHING. Right down to the motion captured CG version of Sloth, played by Andy Serkis.
It seems Steven Spielberg is responsible for many of these movies. Just goes to show you how important of a producer he was in the 80’s and 90’s. It’s like Spielberg specialized in timeless movies!
Gremlins was probably my first foray into anything even close to horror (I’m not saying it’s a horror movie, but it definitely was scary for my age), and while it began as something closer to E.T. with a young boy named Billy adopting a loveable creature called a Mogwai, which he affectionately calls Gizmo. Things go south really fast as Billy accidently breaks two of the 3 important rules involving Mogwai, never let it touch water and never feed it after midnight (the third is never expose it to sunlight which proves deadly for the creature). Of course chaos erupts!
It’s an awesome movie and a remake once again is not needed whatsoever. It would simply be another CGI fest filled with the movie studios weird need to make it more serious and edgy. And edgy was not what the original Gremlins needed to be cool.
I mean, it was edgy enough, what with that microwave scene and all!
Back To The Future Trilogy
Yeah, this is technically three movies, but who cares?! Spielberg made them in serial format, so they can be counted as one!
BTTF is another movie that has been in talks for YEARS to be a remake. WHY? Why is Hollywood SO desperate that they have to take such beloved movies such as this and try to reproduce the magic? The adventures through time with Marty McFly are a prime example of the “don’t touch” rule for movies.
In fact if there’s ONE movie franchise that should NEVER be remade, I actually think this should be the one. It was perfect (even the third installment, which is basically the weakest of the three), and without Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd involved, it would be a disaster.
Besides, would you replace the Delorean with a Vespa? Blasphemy! Who would replace Doc Brown? Zach Galifinakis? NO!
That April Fool’s video this year with Vin Diesel in a Back To The Future reboot is basically how it would probably turn out...and that’s exactly why we need to make sure it never happens! If it ever does, we would need an ACTUAL Delorean to go back and make sure it never does!
And as a special bonus entry suggested by the lovely @AmandaCaliber (give her a follow on the Twitter, Bleeder Buds):
Of course! How could I be so blind? The movie that made hacking...and Angelina Jolie...cool! This movie is totally a one-shot deal too.
Hackers was a 1995 movie about accountants...nah, it was about hackers, of course! A group of young, 20-somethings attacking corporations via something called the internet and “raging against the machine” by using machines. It was new-age rebellion at its finest and most beautiful.
And what was so unique about it was the internet was so fresh and new, it had almost a sci-fi feel to it. Now in an age where we can get the internet on our watches...it doesn’t feel all that special. And to be honest, we got middle-aged folks these days on the computers hacking their butts off just to watch the latest episode of Orange Is The New Black.
For it’s time, Hackers was an amazing cult film with a large fan base still...and while Hollywood may try to remake the magic, they definitely can’t make Angelina Jolie a babyfaced 20-something again, and they can’t make hacking into something super new and cool without changing EVERYTHING about it!
If their crime was curiosity...now, in the social media age, we are ALL criminals, aren’t we?
At the end of the day, remakes and reboots sometimes work, but most often don't. And We now live in an age where we can get whatever movie from the past we want on DVD or on-demand, so why bother? Why try to appeal to a new age of fans with something that appealed to another generation? Get inspired by the movies of the past, expand on those ideas and make something completely new and different, I say!
Are there any more movies that just CANNOT be remade by Hollywood? Give me a shout in the comment section, kids!
That’s it for this week! Stay frosty!